got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
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