nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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