I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
