Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
