I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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