Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
