Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
