I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
