he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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