Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Randomize
