Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
the gays at disneyland are vicious
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Randomize
