I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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