Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
either way he was missing a nipple.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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