I hate your face
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
