I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
