Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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