Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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