just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
