Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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