Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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