I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
