I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
