I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
