May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
