guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I have aggressive nipples.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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