It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Success! We fucked roommates!
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