Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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