quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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