she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
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