I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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