it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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