There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
