i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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