pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
