i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
