and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
