i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
