I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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