Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
