yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
