8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We need to rekindle our bromance
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
