her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
