just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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