hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
