Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
