i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
