I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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