He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
