I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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