but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
