the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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