I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Im part way to drunk.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
