when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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