he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
