It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
