Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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