i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
